The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

When I first started writing posts to this blog {that I lovingly designed, built and planned for months} I promised myself that I would be candid and share

the good, the bad and the ugly 

I wanted it to be authentic to who I truly am, what I believe in and what makes me happy or scared.

Today, I am prepared to do just that.

Here's the Good...

When I look at the grand scheme of things, nothing is missing from my life.  I have a loving husband, 2 amazing children, a fantastic family and group of friends.  We live in a beautiful neighbourhood, have freedom to do, say, act as we choose.  We are healthy.  We laugh a lot.  I am doing what I love everyday. I feel very blessed.

It all looks good right?!

Then why have I had such an emotional week?!!!  Let me continue...

Here's the Bad

I place high expectations on myself.  I am on day 3 of a strict {doctor prescribed} detoxing/cleanse at the moment and it has rocked my physical being.  {If you've ever kicked a habit, you'll know what this feels like}.  I feel tired constantly.  My business isn't where I planned it would be at this point.  I am unsure of the future as there are many changes on the horizon for me and my family.  I feel unsure.  I feel tired.  I feel like time is passing at top speed.  I have a long to-do list, everyday.

Here's the Ugly

{here's where it gets even more personal}

I am very unsure of my life at the moment.  I wonder, have I made the right decisions?  Do I make the right decisions for my family? Who am I fooling really? Am I deserving of all that I have and more so, of all the stuff that I want?! Am I good enough? Am I wasting my time? What's the point?

All of this very personal, un-healthy, inner self-talk is very crippling.  I'm sure it's something we do to ourselves more often than we admit.  

I wasn't sure if when I sat down to write this post that I was going to hit "publish".  My husband encouraged me to be honest and open about how I was feeling and share it here.  I'm glad he did.

Here's what I do know - I have control over the inner-negativity crap.  We all do.

Sometimes we need a mental time-out, but it's important to have tools to help you snap out of that temporary funk.  Tools to remind you that all that negative energy is easily replaced with positive thoughts and energy.  How do I get there?! This week was tough, but my tool that I used today is...

this quote that made me cry

the instant my eyes

read over each

and every word.

The first time I read this quote, it shook my world and shifted my whole entire thought process.  It made me consciously choose to be authentic and live a life that I design.  Today I am reminded of it and have read it and re-read it, over again.  My wish is that it speaks to you as strongly as it did to me.

By Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: A Reflection on the Principles of a 'Course in Miracles' 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Deep breath out...

Candidly yours,

Nicki

xo